A bit of an explanation...

Most (if not all) of my readers are from a creative writing class at the high school we attend and I'm that everyone has noticed that I end each of my posts with "-Rene".  I remember that this was confusing to a couple people in the class as I do not usually go by the name "Rene".  In fact, I've never actually gone by the name "Rene".  It's kind of a hard thing to explain but here goes nothing...

Gender is something that most people of today's society view as being very black and white (or blue and pink, if you want).  You're either a boy or a girl.  Most people believe that what a person looks like or what kind of genitals they might have determines their gender. 

But, that really isn't it.  Gender is more of a fluid concept.  It really isn't just black and white.  A lot of people don't realize that there is all this gray area in between.  There are people who were designated female at birth who now identify as being a boy and people who were designated male at birth who now identify as being a girl.  There are people who identify as neither boy nor girl nor any other gender.  There are people who identify as both boy and girl.  There are people who identify as being a mix of the two binary genders.  There are people who identify as many genders.  There are people who identify as different genders based on how they feel.  Are you following this okay? uh... I'm not good at explaining things so let's have the Genderbread Person help:

I identify as androgynous (it says it's an expression in the picture but just roll with it).  I believe that there are both masculine and feminine aspects of who I am.  I identify as androgynous because I found it physically and mentally harmful to myself to identify as either boy or girl.  

I only recently started identifying as androgynous because I honestly didn't know that it was a real thing I could identify as.  I found out about it over the summer one day when I was casually scrolling through the posts on my dashboard.  I came across a post that really went in depth about gender identity.  I found it amazing and started researching each gender it outlined.  It took awhile until I found androgyny and I was so happy when I did.  The hard part is actually taking this identity and making it into an expression of who I am.

Pronouns and name changing are two ways to express one's gender (other than appearance) and they are two things that I struggle with.  I don't exactly find it damaging to be called "she" and "Margeaux", it's just that I don't like it.  It's just not me.  Personally, I would rather people use they/them pronouns when referring to me and I would really rather people called me by my middle name, "Rene."  Most of my friends at my high school have already gotten into the habit of calling me by my first name and it's sort of a hard thing to break.  It's also kind of awkward to just slap it on people like "Hey, I know we've known each other for like 3 years now but could you call me 'Rene' from now on? kthxbye."

I haven't really told anyone about this, except a teacher and a few best friends.  It's pretty hard to come out to my parents when I constantly hear stuff like "if you were a boy, I don't know how I'd live."  I'm afraid that they won't understand and won't except me.  Fortunately, my parents aren't too conservative, especially when it comes to appearances.  They allow me to buy "boy" clothes and get my hair cut short, so it sort of works out in a way.

Today was a pretty big step for me.  I don't really know how many people I've just come out to but I'm pretty glad I got it off my chest.  Maybe I'll talk more on this subject some day...

-Rene

Obligatory Christmas Post

If you haven't noticed already: THERE'S ONLY 13 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!
And no matter if you're like this: 

                                                     or like this:






there is no escaping the holidays.

Christmas is everywhere.  It's in the stores, it's on the radio, it's in our schools (unless you're at a public school where you get detention for even muttering "Merry Christmas"), it's in most of our homes, it's on our TVs and our computers.  No matter what you celebrate, when December rolls around you have to be ready for the barrage of red and green decorations.

Christmas is probably one of my favorite holidays.  I love giving gifts.  It's probably my favorite thing.  I love watching people's faces light up when they open the gifts I bought them.  The only problem is that I ALWAYS end up overspending.  My friends usually buy gifts within the $20 range, $20 being the maximum they spend on one person.  For me, $20 is the minimum.  I probably spent about $51 on my best friend's Christmas present alone.  Then I spent about $93 on my other friends combined.  And then I spent another $13 on a secret Santa present.  So altogether, I spent $157 in the span of two weeks.  And not to mention, I haven't even started getting my parents' gifts.  Considering I'm a 16 year old high school student who does not have a job, that's a lot of money for me to blow through. But it's not like those things are for me, they're gifts for my friends!  That makes it okay, right?... 

Although I love giving gifts, getting gifts turns into quite an experience for me.  I have very unique interests.  I know what I like but that doesn't mean my family does.  I usually have to supervise my mother while she buys things online to make sure she gets the right thing and doesn't click on any add that downloads some super evil computer virus.  So when I wake up on Christmas morning, I already know what I'm getting.  
Every year, we spend Christmas Eve night and Christmas Day with my mother's family.  We exchange Christmas lists but that doesn't mean they get me anything on the list.  My mother and I both are usually left out.  We never get as many gifts as everyone else and we usually never get what we asked for.  It just kinda sucks, you know?

But I guess Christmas really isn't about presents (though it is a fun part of it).  It should be about spending quality time with your friends and family.  It's a time when we should be appreciating other's company.  Not whining about not getting what we asked for.  We should just be happy with who we have, not what we have.

Shipping: What it is and How it Ruins your Heart

Ah, shipping, my favorite past time.  Shipping is the act of wanting two fictional characters to be in a romantic relationship.  These characters are usually from some sort of book, movie, TV show, etc. Still confused?  Here, let's have Kakashi help explain:

Here, Kakshi (the ninja dude) is shipping Elsa from Frozen with Jack Frost from Rise of the Guardians.  This ship is called Jelsa but also may be referred to as Jack Frost x Elsa, Jack Frost/Elsa, etc.  Kakashi has probably seen the similarities between Jack and Elsa as they both control ice and snow and have sad back stories with their younger siblings.  Kakashi believes that these two characters would get along nicely together if they met.  Therefore, Kakashi ships them.  He shows us his appreciation for this ship as he has the two cosplayers hold hands.  Jelsa is special type of shipping, called a crossover ship, as each character is from a different movie.

Seems innocent enough, right?  What pain could be caused from wanting two fictional characters to kiss, right? Haha. Well, first of all you have the crushing feeling of knowing that you're shipping will probably not ever actually happen within the series.  Then, you also have people who do not ship your ship and people who violently hate your ship and try to persuade you that the ship could not ever exist.  And finally, you have all the sad fanfiction that might just make you cry for hours yet you read it anyway because dang do you love this ship.  Shipping will almost always result in feelings.

But it's not just sad, lonely feelings.  Sometimes you see a super cute picture of your favorite pairing and you just kind of end up screaming because they are so perfect.  Or you'll be watching your favorite show and the two characters you have shipped since season one have a little bit together and then you just end up smiling without ever wanting to stop because you are just so happy that the writers see what you see.  When you have happy feelings, you usually end up like:                  
          Or: 

Another very important part of shipping is something called an OTP.  OTP stands for One True Pairing.  It is the pairing (or pairings) that you love the most.  In my own experience, you don't really pick an OTP.  You just kind of realize how much you favor one particular ship over another. A good way to rate which pairing is your absolute favorite is to look up a bunch of pairings and the one you cry over most is your OTP.

Shipping is like being in a relationship with a relationship.  When your ship is happy, you're happy.  When your ship is sad, you're sad.  It can be a lot of fun, especially when you find other people who ship what you ship.  It may result in a lot of tears but it's just apart of the fandom life.

-Rene

Tech Week: Why I hate it and Why I love it

So, as some of you who read this blog may already know, this past week at the academy has been the Drama Guild's crunch time.  The opening night of our production, Zink: The Myth, The Legend, The Zebra is tonight.  We have been practicing after school until 6:30 PM every day this week.  It has been HELL trying to get in all my homework and study for tests/quizzes while simultaneously trying to eat dinner, shower, do chores, and get enough sleep.  Basically this shirt was my life this past week:

  I pretty much hated every minute of Tech Week and I wondered why I ever considered joining the Drama Guild again.  But then I realized something...


Why I hate Tech Week:
As you've just heard, the main reason I hate Tech Week is because of how much time it takes up.  We stay at school until 6:30 and it takes me about 20-25 minutes to get home so by then it's almost 7 PM.  On average, I get about 3 hours of homework a night so by the time I finish it's nearly 10 PM. I still have to eat dinner, shower, and do my chores.  As teenagers, we're supposed to be getting about nine and a half hours of sleep a night, but I only ended up getting about 6 a night this week since I finally got to bed around 11:45 PM. I had no time to do anything.


Why I love Tech Week:
Our director really did not want our rehearsals to conflict with Fall sports this year so she scheduled all of our rehearsals on Saturday afternoons.  This was actually pretty nice except for the fact that we only had seven run-throughs before Tech Week.  Our director had us rank Saturday's rehearsal on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best.  We ranked it a -3.  People still didn't know their lines or their entrances.  We absolutely needed to spend the amount of time we did because at our last rehearsal, our director ranked us again. She gave our performance a 9.  That's when I realized just how important Tech Week was.  Although it took up so much of my time, Tech Week really helped us improve.  We figured out all of our lines (or the gist of them at least), all of our entrances, and all of our costume changes.  I was amazed by how good our last rehearsal turned out.

I feel like Tech Week is like cramming for a test.  You spend time during class hearing the material over and over again and then the teacher speaks up saying that you have a test tomorrow.  First, you freak out and hate yourself for every moment you decided you didn't have to take notes. Next, you just kind of suck it up and pull an all-nighter, reading the material over and over.  Then, when you actually take the test, you're surprised at how much you actually know. 

I hope that actually made sense but anyway, if you are free around 6:30 - 9 PM today or tomorrow night you should definitely come to see the play! It will be awesome!

Cosplay List

I don't know how other cosplayers do it.  I mean, it's just so hard trying to pick out a character that you like and sticking with that character while working on their costume.  Maybe I just have to many characters that I want to cosplay but narrowing down my cosplay list always seems to go like this:

I guess at least one person understands.

Anyway, there are two conventions that I am going to next year.  There's Queen City Kamikaze (QCK) in March and Anime Boston (AB) in April. I have plenty of time to work on and change my cosplays but as of today here's my list:

QCK - fem!Cecil (Cecilia) from Welcome to Night Vale:

Now, I would put a picture here to show you what Cecil or Cecilia looks like but there's one problem with that.  No one knows what Cecil actually looks like.  I mean we know what his voice actor looks like but that's not Cecil.  In fact the only description of Cecil we've gottn is that he is "not tall or short, not thin or fat." Welcome to Night Vale is a podcast so it's all audio and the writers really seem to like to leave a lot of stuff up to fan interpretation.  So pretty much everyone has their own vision of what Cecil and all the other Night Vale characters look.  Taking fan interpretation one step further, I decided that I want to cosplay Cecil's female version, Cecilia.  

I am really excited for this one since I think I only need to buy a purple long sleeved button-up shirt and gray or back vest.  I plan on wearing the shirt and vest with a black pencil skirt, galaxy print leggings, and purple converse.  I decided that I will use my actual hair for Cecilia.  I haven't seen any strawberry blond Cecil or Cecilia interpretations but I guess that just makes the costume more unique.

AB - Shima Renzou from Blue Exorcist:

Shima's probably one of my favorite characters from Blue Exorcist so I'm definitely excited.  I already found a really nice wig for him but I still have to look around for his school uniform jacket and his headphones.  His shirt, pants and shoes should't cause too much difficulty, but his staff on the other hand will.  I'm not sure whether I should just give in and order the staff on ebay or try to make it.  I have made something similar to it before but it was much smaller and way less elaborate.  I need to think on him a lot more but I have plenty of time to do that.

AB - Trip from DMMD:

                                                                     Or his younger self (the red head):

My cosplay buddy plans on cosplaying Virus (the one with the glasses) with me and neither of us are certain which version we want to cosplay.  If we cosplay as older Trip and Virus, people will recognize us quickly and we won't get mistaken for other characters.  But if we cosplay younger Trip and Virus, we won't have to spend as much on their costumes.  It's a hard decision and I think we're probably leaning more towards the younger versions, but we still have time left to figure out what we're going to do.

Alternate - Asahi Azumane from Haikyuu!!

Asahi reminds me a lot of myself because we're both tall and scary-looking when we're really just small on the inside and are unsure of how to talk to people.  I'm getting his uniform as a Christmas present so if it so happens that my cosplay buddy and I decide to drop a character from our list, Asahi will most definitely fill that spot. All I would need to buy is a knee pad and maybe some sneakers (mine are getting worn out anyway).  I really like him and if I don't get to cosplay him at QCK or AB, I'll definitely cosplay him at next year's Another Anime Convention.

-Rene

My Feet Hurt and I'm About to Cry - a recollection of Another Anime Convention 2014

So the convention was amazing. Both my Kurloz and my Clear costumes went over great and I got a lot of compliments and pictures taken.  I am so happy they both turned out really well. 

I'm really happy that I managed to go all three days this year.  I usually manage to only go Saturday and Sunday because I have a ton of homework that I have to finish on Friday.  This year however, I miraculously did not have a mountain of homework so when I got home on Friday, I immediately changed and rushed off to Manchester.  My costume, aph America, was just something I threw on but many people still loved it. I met up with my a couple of my friends and we walked around for about four hours.  We went to a few panels and fangirled over everyone and everything.  I stayed to 9:30 PM although I wanted to stay later.  I left because I figured that I really needed to get to sleep and get up early the next morning to prepare for Saturday's costume.

Kurloz:

Despite having the most complicated make-up, Kurloz is probably my favorite cosplay I've done so far.  I woke up at  6:00 AM on Saturday and immediately started to get my costume on.  The face paint wasn't hard but it did take about 45 minutes with an added 15 minutes of me just trying to put on contacts.  Then came the fun part: the stitches. I followed this tutorial and I think they came out really well.  All you have to do is take some thread and some spirit gum and stick the thread over your lips.  Although the spirit gum will probably end up getting stuck to your fingers more than your face, it will all work out and you will get as many compliments as I did. uwu  

You're probably wondering how I talked and ate that day.  Well, I didn't.  It was very hard not to talk and I ended up pulling off some of the stitches which we had to re-glue about 5 times.  My diet consisted of an ice coffee from Dunkin' Donuts, a soda, a smoothie, and a protein shake, which I drank through a straw slid in between my stitches

Despite my choice to where high-heeled boots on Saturday, I had a great time.  Everyone looked amazing and there was no end to my silent fangirling.  I met so many new people and I got to hang out with all of them even my old friends.  I stayed at the convention until 7:30 PM and then I went home to eat a huge dinner to make up for my missed lunch. I went to bed hoping that tomorrow I'd be able to talk and eat like everyone else who wasn't as crazily devoted as I am. Boy, was I wrong.

Clear:

Thankfully, I got to sleep in until 7:30 AM on Sunday.  Clear's make up and costume was pretty easy which is why he was so much fun to do.  The hard part was his gas mask which is essential to his character.

My fatal flaw is that I like my cosplays to look perfect and most of the times they do.  But this also means that if I'm cosplaying a character who wears a gas mask, then I'm going to want an actual gas mask which is what I got.  So I was happy and I love how he turned out but it was horribly hot in and hard to talk through the mask.  I ended up sweating off my make up including the two moles Clear has on his chin.  And since I no longer had the moles on my chin I kept the gas mask on pretty much the whole time so I felt like I was perfect.  It made me happy but I had to make my friend talk for me and help me walk through the bigger crowds.  

The only time I took off the mask was when we went to lunch and at the end of the convention.  Other than that, I lifted it up to sip from my water.  It wasn't bad and I loved seeing people's reactions

Like Saturday, everyone looked amazing on Sunday.  I met even more people and we all promised to meet at the next convention.  I left a little before the convention officially ended at 6:00 PM.  It was hard going home knowing I wouldn't be back until next year but I was exhausted and definitely needed some rest.

So, overall the con was amazing, my cosplays, were amazing, and everyone I met was amazing.  Although my feet hurt and I want to cry, AAC was amazing this year and I can't wait to go again next year.

-Rene

Things That Make Me Happy

Well, I don't know how you are feeling but personally, I'm feeling kind of down this weekend.  I'm stressed out over homework and other personal problems but instead of venting all those feelings on the internet and slipping into an even deeper hole of depression and anxiety, I'm going to make a post about all the things that make me happy. 

So whether you're feeling awesome or down in the dumps like me this weekend, I hope this post will make you smile. 


1. Marnie the Dog ( tumblr)

 I mean just look at this little ball of goofy adorableness. How could you not smile at this dog?

2. Otters that look like Benedict Cumberbatch 

I love Benedict Cumberbatch but this stupid otter meme just kills me every time.

3. Welcome to Night Vale ( website )

Everything about Night Vale to the usual weird happenings in the town to the LGBT+ representation just make me smile.  

4. My Clear cosplay

I just love it.  I can't wait for this weekend when I actually get to wear it.

5. The fact that Homestuck is going to be updated this month.

It's been a nearly year since I caught up with the 6,000+ pages of Andrew Hussie's webcomic and it's finally getting updated again! The hiatus is ending, finally!

6. Naps

Naps are nice and relaxing. I want to take one now and maybe wake up Friday night, just in time to go to AAC...

7. Halloween is in two weeks!!

Halloween is my favorite holiday and I can't wait to eat candy and stay up all night watching scary movies with my best friend!

8. Hetalia

It's weird but it's the reason I love history so much.  Hetalia is a webcomic turned anime about personified countries that are just adorable and kind of stupid. It shows different cultures and history through short clips.  It's great, seriously, look it up.

-Rene

COSPLAY PROGRESS

Okay, well finally.  I've been trying to get these costumes ready for months and I finally have some actual progress.  Just in time for Another Anime Convention (which is in like 2 weeks HELP).

1st Cosplay: Kurloz Makara from Homestuck:

I had bought a skeleton from Hot Topic awhile back and it was what initially motivated me to start working on his costume.  I then ordered some skeleton leggings from here and those came in not too long ago.  I had a pair of killer black combat boots with a 3" platform heel and I just sprayed painted those purple. 

I figured that since Gamzee and Kurloz's horns are basically the same (Kurloz's are supposed to be a little bigger but oh well) that I'm just going to reuse the horns from my Gamzee cosplay. 

It took me forever to find a wig for Kurloz.  Originally, i was going to use the wig I use for Gamzee but I found that that wig was too small and kept sliding off my head when I wore it at Anime Boston last year.  I looked everywhere for a perfect wig and I found a couple that I liked online.  Although the thought of them being just as small and uncomfortable as my Gamzee deterred me from ordering them.  Finally, on a hunt for a friend's costume at this super cool costume store in New Hampshire and got this weird black and pink punk wig.  But it was the PERFECT shape and style for Kurloz already. So I tried it on and it fit just as perfectly as it looked.  I bought it and just colored over the pink with sharpie. I know that sounds super cheap but it worked so well. 

The only things I have left to do for his costume is to dye a pair of my shorts purple and to some trial runs of his face paint.

(***note*** the purple shorts shown in the picture are not the shorts I plan to wear at AAC)

2nd Cosplay: Clear from DMMD:

 

Like with most of my cosplays, I decided completely on a whim to do Clear.  I just got up one morning, watched an episode of DMMD and said "yep, that's my next project."  

So I went out and bought some gray jeans and white button-up shirt at Wal-Mart.  I bought material to make his scarf (which was super annoying since I can never tell whether his scarf is a soft yellow or a fluorescent green). Then I found a bathrobe at a thrift store that had this nice cotton exterior instead of it being completely terry clothe.  All I had to do was cut out the terry clothe inside and it was nearly perfect.  Next I had to order some things, mainly Clear's  boots and his gas mask (which I can no longer find the link to).  Both the boots and the gas mask came in pretty quickly so i was very happy!

Only one thing is giving me grief is his wig.  I already have a sliver wig that's as poofy as his hair but the silver just does not look right. So I'm borrowing a friend's white wig and styling it up with some hair wax.

The only thing I have left to do for Clear's costume is to hem the coat and then sew on the new buttons I bought. I'm very excited for his costume and also very excited to get into his character!

 

-Rene

Welcome to Review Vale - Opinions on A Carnival Comes to Town

Episode 54 of Welcome to Night Vale - A Carnival Comes to Town was released on Monday  just as new episodes are released every 1st and 15th of the month.  I have to say it wasn't my favorite episode.  It was a good episode and it still had that beautiful weirdness that Joseph Fink always gives Night Vale. But it still seemed to lack a bit compared to the other episodes.

Don't get me wrong here, I still liked the episode and there were good things about it but it just seemed to me like any other episode. 
Nothing huge happened and the conflict was conquered pretty easily. I suppose that's okay though, I don't think us listeners could handle another Old Oak Doors episode. I still would've liked more struggle. I wish that Cecil would've gotten more involved. Even when he turned to the weather, he didn't even get up from his booth. He didn't go into town to see the carnival himself, he didn't try to help his own people, his own town. Instead he just sat there, broadcasting to no one.  

Perhaps Cecil didn't go to the carnival or help the town vanquish it because wanted to stay safe so Carlos would have someone to return home to. Ah, now that I've gotten myself sad and onto the topic of Carlos, I can talk about the other sad thing that happened in this episode. 
Carlos might end up staying in the other desert world.
Remember how Carlos used to call Night Vale, "the most scientifically interesting community"? Well, with the discovery of the other desert world, Night Vale's acclaimed title has been beaten out.  Carlos has seen towns that probably look like Night Vale before, it's the happenings that go in in Night Vale that stumped him. Carlos has never seen anything like the desert world or the giant beings that live there.  And with the discovery of the pictures in the light house, do you think Carlos has much of a reason to come home now?  He can already talk to Cecil whenever he needs to. He can already send him snapchats and like his wood carving sculptures on tumblr.The only thing he's really missing is seeing Cecil when he wants to; and now that he knows about the pictures, he can. He's only missing Cecil's physical touch.

Okay, let's all stop crying and turn to another thing: intern Maureen.  I wish she would've spoken up a little more (but i guess maybe i've been too spolied with Night Vale's live shows with their multiple guest voices).  She seemed to actually be normal.  Maureen did her own research on what carnival's are and she seemed to have a normal idea of one we might see in our own towns.  She became frustrated when Night Vale reacted to the carnival as if it were some horrible thing, when in fact it was just a normal carnival. I really hope to see more of her in coming episodes and i hope she doesn't share the same fate as all the other Night Vale Community Radio interns do.
____________________________________________________________
Anyways, I feel like this post was kind of stupid. I've never really done a review before but i decided to try it. So to any of you actually reading this, leave a comment to let me know what you think or if you have your own opinions on the episode.  Thanks for reading!

-Rene

So I Guess This is a Thing Now...

Yep. Totally a thing. 

Uh, yeah. 

What should you expect of this thing?

Well, it's supposed to be about my cosplay ("costume play") and my experience making, buying and crying over them.

It will also be about my experiences at the different conventions I attend while wearing said cosplay.

Other than that this thing will also feature stupid stories from my personal life as I attend high school and reviews of various anime, TV shows, and podcasts.

Current Cosplays in the making:

-Kurloz Makara from Homestuck

-Clear from DRAMAtical Murder

Currently watching/listening to:
-Free! Eternal Summer
-Love Stage!!
-DRAMAtical Murder
-Welcome to Night Vale

Conventions attending:
Another Anime Convention, Manchester, NH (Oct. 17-19)

-Rene