A bit of an explanation...

Most (if not all) of my readers are from a creative writing class at the high school we attend and I'm that everyone has noticed that I end each of my posts with "-Rene".  I remember that this was confusing to a couple people in the class as I do not usually go by the name "Rene".  In fact, I've never actually gone by the name "Rene".  It's kind of a hard thing to explain but here goes nothing...

Gender is something that most people of today's society view as being very black and white (or blue and pink, if you want).  You're either a boy or a girl.  Most people believe that what a person looks like or what kind of genitals they might have determines their gender. 

But, that really isn't it.  Gender is more of a fluid concept.  It really isn't just black and white.  A lot of people don't realize that there is all this gray area in between.  There are people who were designated female at birth who now identify as being a boy and people who were designated male at birth who now identify as being a girl.  There are people who identify as neither boy nor girl nor any other gender.  There are people who identify as both boy and girl.  There are people who identify as being a mix of the two binary genders.  There are people who identify as many genders.  There are people who identify as different genders based on how they feel.  Are you following this okay? uh... I'm not good at explaining things so let's have the Genderbread Person help:

I identify as androgynous (it says it's an expression in the picture but just roll with it).  I believe that there are both masculine and feminine aspects of who I am.  I identify as androgynous because I found it physically and mentally harmful to myself to identify as either boy or girl.  

I only recently started identifying as androgynous because I honestly didn't know that it was a real thing I could identify as.  I found out about it over the summer one day when I was casually scrolling through the posts on my dashboard.  I came across a post that really went in depth about gender identity.  I found it amazing and started researching each gender it outlined.  It took awhile until I found androgyny and I was so happy when I did.  The hard part is actually taking this identity and making it into an expression of who I am.

Pronouns and name changing are two ways to express one's gender (other than appearance) and they are two things that I struggle with.  I don't exactly find it damaging to be called "she" and "Margeaux", it's just that I don't like it.  It's just not me.  Personally, I would rather people use they/them pronouns when referring to me and I would really rather people called me by my middle name, "Rene."  Most of my friends at my high school have already gotten into the habit of calling me by my first name and it's sort of a hard thing to break.  It's also kind of awkward to just slap it on people like "Hey, I know we've known each other for like 3 years now but could you call me 'Rene' from now on? kthxbye."

I haven't really told anyone about this, except a teacher and a few best friends.  It's pretty hard to come out to my parents when I constantly hear stuff like "if you were a boy, I don't know how I'd live."  I'm afraid that they won't understand and won't except me.  Fortunately, my parents aren't too conservative, especially when it comes to appearances.  They allow me to buy "boy" clothes and get my hair cut short, so it sort of works out in a way.

Today was a pretty big step for me.  I don't really know how many people I've just come out to but I'm pretty glad I got it off my chest.  Maybe I'll talk more on this subject some day...

-Rene

Obligatory Christmas Post

If you haven't noticed already: THERE'S ONLY 13 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!
And no matter if you're like this: 

                                                     or like this:






there is no escaping the holidays.

Christmas is everywhere.  It's in the stores, it's on the radio, it's in our schools (unless you're at a public school where you get detention for even muttering "Merry Christmas"), it's in most of our homes, it's on our TVs and our computers.  No matter what you celebrate, when December rolls around you have to be ready for the barrage of red and green decorations.

Christmas is probably one of my favorite holidays.  I love giving gifts.  It's probably my favorite thing.  I love watching people's faces light up when they open the gifts I bought them.  The only problem is that I ALWAYS end up overspending.  My friends usually buy gifts within the $20 range, $20 being the maximum they spend on one person.  For me, $20 is the minimum.  I probably spent about $51 on my best friend's Christmas present alone.  Then I spent about $93 on my other friends combined.  And then I spent another $13 on a secret Santa present.  So altogether, I spent $157 in the span of two weeks.  And not to mention, I haven't even started getting my parents' gifts.  Considering I'm a 16 year old high school student who does not have a job, that's a lot of money for me to blow through. But it's not like those things are for me, they're gifts for my friends!  That makes it okay, right?... 

Although I love giving gifts, getting gifts turns into quite an experience for me.  I have very unique interests.  I know what I like but that doesn't mean my family does.  I usually have to supervise my mother while she buys things online to make sure she gets the right thing and doesn't click on any add that downloads some super evil computer virus.  So when I wake up on Christmas morning, I already know what I'm getting.  
Every year, we spend Christmas Eve night and Christmas Day with my mother's family.  We exchange Christmas lists but that doesn't mean they get me anything on the list.  My mother and I both are usually left out.  We never get as many gifts as everyone else and we usually never get what we asked for.  It just kinda sucks, you know?

But I guess Christmas really isn't about presents (though it is a fun part of it).  It should be about spending quality time with your friends and family.  It's a time when we should be appreciating other's company.  Not whining about not getting what we asked for.  We should just be happy with who we have, not what we have.

Shipping: What it is and How it Ruins your Heart

Ah, shipping, my favorite past time.  Shipping is the act of wanting two fictional characters to be in a romantic relationship.  These characters are usually from some sort of book, movie, TV show, etc. Still confused?  Here, let's have Kakashi help explain:

Here, Kakshi (the ninja dude) is shipping Elsa from Frozen with Jack Frost from Rise of the Guardians.  This ship is called Jelsa but also may be referred to as Jack Frost x Elsa, Jack Frost/Elsa, etc.  Kakashi has probably seen the similarities between Jack and Elsa as they both control ice and snow and have sad back stories with their younger siblings.  Kakashi believes that these two characters would get along nicely together if they met.  Therefore, Kakashi ships them.  He shows us his appreciation for this ship as he has the two cosplayers hold hands.  Jelsa is special type of shipping, called a crossover ship, as each character is from a different movie.

Seems innocent enough, right?  What pain could be caused from wanting two fictional characters to kiss, right? Haha. Well, first of all you have the crushing feeling of knowing that you're shipping will probably not ever actually happen within the series.  Then, you also have people who do not ship your ship and people who violently hate your ship and try to persuade you that the ship could not ever exist.  And finally, you have all the sad fanfiction that might just make you cry for hours yet you read it anyway because dang do you love this ship.  Shipping will almost always result in feelings.

But it's not just sad, lonely feelings.  Sometimes you see a super cute picture of your favorite pairing and you just kind of end up screaming because they are so perfect.  Or you'll be watching your favorite show and the two characters you have shipped since season one have a little bit together and then you just end up smiling without ever wanting to stop because you are just so happy that the writers see what you see.  When you have happy feelings, you usually end up like:                  
          Or: 

Another very important part of shipping is something called an OTP.  OTP stands for One True Pairing.  It is the pairing (or pairings) that you love the most.  In my own experience, you don't really pick an OTP.  You just kind of realize how much you favor one particular ship over another. A good way to rate which pairing is your absolute favorite is to look up a bunch of pairings and the one you cry over most is your OTP.

Shipping is like being in a relationship with a relationship.  When your ship is happy, you're happy.  When your ship is sad, you're sad.  It can be a lot of fun, especially when you find other people who ship what you ship.  It may result in a lot of tears but it's just apart of the fandom life.

-Rene